What Women Want From Men

There are often stark differences between what each sex wants.

Co-written by Kenton X. Chance, Michael Wijaya & Kervin Lloyd
November 2009

Many metaphors have been used to try to explain the difference between the sexes and their expectations of each other. American relationship consultant, lecturer and author John Gray titled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” his book offering suggestions for improving men-women relationships. Neurologist Sigmund Freud confessed that after 30 years of “research into the feminine soul”, he was unable to answer the question ‘What does a woman want?’ There is no panacea of an answer to this ubiquitous question. In an intimate long-term relationship, the type that produces a family, a woman wants different things physically, emotionally, and sexually. In addition to a man that meets these needs, she wants a strong mate, who would protect her and assist with raising the children.

A woman, regardless of her culture or country, is driven primarily by ancient DNA. This natural wiring causes her to look for financial security. A significant number of women have abandoned the feminist dream of the 1960s. They no longer aspire for a world in which men and women share the load equally. They want husbands who are ‘retrosexual’ – meaning they are more hunter-gatherer than a ‘metrosexual’ stay-at-home father. She prefers a man who is willing to do housework, cook, and change diapers. In fact, a British study that polled 1500 men and women showed that of the women polled, 38% wanted financial stability while 27% wanted their man to be a great parent. Surprisingly, 25% wanted a man who can do gardening and, 22% wanted a man that puts his family first. (Figures do not equal 100 as more than one box could be ticked). The researchers said that many women no longer think that they want a metrosexual man. “They realised they were fed up with a man who spent longer in the bathroom than they did.”

Women also want men who have abandoned the stereotypical view that real men keep everything inside, maintain a facade and that they can work everything out by themselves. They want men who have come to acknowledge that men also are human beings and have emotions too. This is important to a woman because when a man can connect with his own feelings, he can better relate to those of the woman in his life. The website what-women-want-from-men.com says that real men aren’t afraid of saying, “I’ve got a problem that I need to talk about. Have you got a minute?” Women also want men who are willing to listen, and give sympathy, not solutions.

A woman wants a man to help her manage her emotional needs and in so doing help her manage herself so that her sexual energy is not squashed or destroyed by negative emotions. She knows that negative emotions dampens or shuts down her interest in and desire for sex. Calle Zorro in “Married and Happy” premises that a man must manage both his lady’s emotional and psychological needs to retain her interest in and desire for sex. Once her emotional needs are met, then the other variable comes into play. They want men who know how to cuddle, who are romantic, who are good with foreplay and know that there is a difference between making love and having sex, who are neat, passionate and who sees them as an equal partners.

Many men have made the mistake of thinking that providing for a woman’s physical needs would in and of itself make her totally happy. He buys her gifts but never makes love to her. She therefore finds someone to meet her sexual needs. In another scenario, a man does not communicate with his lady and she confides in another man. In such a situation, as the pendulum of emotional infidelity gains momentum, it swings, with time, into the realm of physical infidelity. Each of a woman’s needs is essential and also unique. However, women put psychological and emotional needs high up on the list. When a man responds to a woman’s psychological and emotional needs, he is well on his way to making his woman, and, concomitantly, himself happy.